The Bony Silence

I sit in the bony silence and my thoughts slide towards darkness
And I am frightened at how pleasing the alluring stillness feels
Wanting the inner world to stop winding tightly around my heart
To allow sleep without the gnawing dreams that follow waking
Flooding my daylight hope in a painful exhaustive ordeal
That is slowly pulling the world I thought I knew apart

Once, time stood still and now it moves again – without me
I watch and wait as one by one all drift to another place
Lives so removed from here, distant and untouchable
No sound, no voice, no comfort, no love, no one
Wondering what karma lost me in this isolated maze
What part I played in the destruction of life once liveable

Riding heaving waves, I cling to my ‘grieving’ boat
Navigating the ups and downs with no rudder
Wondering when the storm will eventually pass by
Then a voice whispered to hold on more tightly
To wait inside the eye with the bony silent thunder
For there’s a bigger storm hunting my lonely cries.

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Epitome

I am the epitome
Of everything feared
I’ve walked to the edge
Of a crumbling cliff
And stared into the abyss
Of a million deaths
Places where dreams fell
Into an earth shattering hell
Where fire consumed the plan
Carried on a devil’s back
One track of ashen footprints
I’ve walked that arid sand
Finally reaching this high point
As you walked the other way
Unwilling to take the leap
The edge collapsed, I jumped
And broke into a thousand shards
Of mirrored lands

Fragments of a life never lived
In the realm of a truth thief
Who stole the vision of me
Obscured the soul
Took the whole of myself

I fell
And I am still falling…

Roar of the Wind

Roar of the wind rattles the blinds
Thrusting through a nearly closed window
And I hear your voice remembering
When wind howled down the chimney
Reminding you of the farm so remote
‘Mournful’, you said, ‘Through the chicken runs’
As gales blew down from bleak moors
Yearning for a view yet you ran away
To hide in uniformed freedom
Drilled lines fed your longing mind
Intellect held soundly in wired code
Secret world of dashes and dots
You lived in the spaces between
Held a key of gifted understanding
An enigma that remains mum
Forever obscured now the storm is done

From the window of the house Mum ran away from to join the WAAF.
She yearned for the moors, but not the life.

Breathing Time

Freedom took my breath away
And I thought I could fly
But I sit here in stillness
Waiting for the clock to tick
For time to change the world

Unseeing eyes brush past
Speaking as if they know
But no-one truly touches
Another’s empty space

The moon takes hold of the sun
Watching in the cool darkness
As the heavens slide earthwards
And fold into the jagged horizon
Each myth tells its story
In cycles of forgotten history
Shifting infinite shapes that show
Connecting years of light
That reach my eyes too late

Glance sideways at the clock face
The second-hand freezes with my heart
Time stops for one breath-held moment
Until the stars tilt and fall again
The inevitable journey begins
Speeding up and expanding space
As I watch everything drift away
Beyond the unseen boundaries of life
From where I stand
I walk away and wonder
Where my history will go
Which star will tell my story

I start to run towards the sunset
Gaining momentum from each stride
Reaching out to grasp the fire
Igniting within white light
Engulfed by cool flames
Here then gone
I breathe the freedom
And fly in the stillness